Fever
It has been such a hard day so far. And it’s 10:20 a.m.
But photos of a brand-new baby girl have been texted my way. And I can stop my crabbing long enough to ooh and aah. Because, that kid is cute.
I sent the pix to mom and she said she wants one. She has been asking for a snowflake baby and I kind of laugh. Because, when would I hatch that thing?
Anyway now that all the girls in the office are on the baby-frenzy precipice today, the baby’s daddy says he expects we’ll have a little baby boom here soon.
Hah.
As Mom said, “Guess it won’t be you. You are tied to your desk without a life. So good for them, as you say.”
You know, just when I think I am happy that I’ve made it to 40-ish without kids, a conversation like this has to happen.
Yep, never gonna meet Mr. Right with my life. That’s for sure. Never gonna have a kid at this rate.
I look at my friends who just accept that they didn’t get the life they wanted. And I look at others who fight for everything even after they repeatedly don’t get it.
And I know this life isn’t “enough” for me. But what would make it that way?
Maybe it’s not having a cute munchkin (and let’s face it, after my whole life of saying if I had to have a kid, I wanted it to be a son. But I really really really would rather have a little girl. If life worked out that way).
After all, cute little-girl munchkins also cry and scream and date and drive and sleep with interesting men. Like their mothers. 🙂
But I guess I wish I had the opportunity to live (or refuse) that life instead of not even having the chance to have it.
I’m really not in baby fever, mind you. I will swallow extra pills to prove it. (Washed down with whiskey. The only way to take pills in my house.)
But I guess it kind of bugs me that the younger (!) girls in my office still have a shot at having it all and I feel like I’m the one lagging them to the point that I will never catch up.
So I say I’m fine and I honestly am fine but I don’t know what to do if I ever end up really being NOT fine about it all.