Green(er) eyes
I’m beginning to think I’m more politically active here in God’s waiting room than I was when I lived in the heart of our nation. Weird.
Today it was joining my representative’s opposing camp. Unseat that freak. It’s past time.
It’s been such a non-productive week. Aren’t they all, though. I like to remind myself that I used to spend 30 hours a week in meetings, so it’s only natural to do 15 to 20 hours’ worth of real work. But, still. What I wouldn’t give for an office to escape to during the day.
I was just looking at Facebook and saw another peer just had a baby. Hmm. I am still not on the “I want one!” bandwagon, but my eyes were a little greener than even nature originally intended today.
I think the gal got married about a year ago (giving me hope that, at 36, I’m not over the hill just yet). And just had a baby last night. (Again, since we’re born a few days apart ourselves, it gives me hope that being near-37 isn’t “old as the hills” either.)
Sure, I wouldn’t have chosen to name my child after a pot-smoking country singer, but whatever. That’s why I have book characters, to get that “naming” urge out of me before I would want to go and create a whole new person to be the recipient.
Anyway, I bought a “Princess Di” ring (silver and simulated sapphire) and it arrived about two weeks ago but I finally got it from the landlady yesterday. (Den of iniquity, ahoy.) I’m just surprised my ring size is down to a 6; it’s been a 7 since as long as I can remember. Yay?
But it put me back in princess mode, which I hadn’t been in since, oh, about 1981 when I watched my first royal wedding. And it’s gotten me wanting, well, more.
The lone half-time freelance assignment I still have is going fine. But yesterday we decided to scrap the project that’s been consuming us. Um, yeah, I didn’t count on that. But my contact person has very keen business sense, so I know it’s the right thing to do. But it also means either finding something else to do for them or, well, panicking.
This? Sucks.
I’m opting for the “not panicking” route. But it made me feel very old here at nearly 37 and my home life, work life and love life are all bearable but not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. One wonders whether this is the way it’s going to be forever. And I guess that’s OK, but stop me before I buy a tiara and *really* start immersing myself in my royal fantasies of yesterday and, God willing, tomorrow.
All right, world. It’s time for the Candid Camera guy to jump out of the bushes. Or, preferably, for the handsome knight to sweep me away like Calgon never really could.
I’m beginning to stop looking down my nose at people who marry for money, what with the Queen Mother dependent on me and all. It’s hard to support the royal pain in the ass. That’s why I just reduced my workload — why should there be five jobs being worked in the house, and all of them by me?
I know, I’m all over the place today. I’m sure Shawn is sitting around somewhere gleefully exclaiming that I’m “unraveling” when I’m merely pontificating like normal people do. It’s easy to comment on other people when you’re in the same job/apartment and the same destructive relationship patterns. It’s not so easy to examine your life on a regular basis and, oh I dunno, FIX what may need a-changin’.
That goes for a lot of people here. Not the true friends who actually care and are entertained or, at least, updated here. But I’d be happy if I had zero blog readers — it would mean everyone else is out living their lives and enjoying the offline world a little more.
I just wish I knew what to do, you know? I was scheduled to volunteer today but I have to give it up. And I don’t want to work at my volunteer job, because that would beat the passion straight out of me. I know it. I can feel it. Which is why I haven’t shopped around for any book deals yet — God forbid I cringe when I “have” to write instead of using my non-pot-smoking-country-singer characters as my own form of escape.
I guess everything comes back to fantasies and escape. I just really wish it would also come back to dreams precede reality, more piles of money than even God can conceive, and pure, honest-intentioned wishes magically materialize simply because the people wishing for them deserve as much luck and sunshine as they can possibly handle.