Caterwauling

I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that at my age, I’m going to be meeting men with kids.

I just didn’t think I’d be meeting the kids tonight.

They’re adorable. I kept my freaking-out contained, of course, as they all killed themselves to impress me and get my attention away from the other.

I just worry about meeting the kids so soon, and it’s my own fault for not being in touch to find out that, whoops, custody was switched at the last minute. I worry that I’ll like the kids better than the boy. I worry that the kids — who actually seemed to like me — will be a bigger reason to stay, even if I should ever decide maybe not to.

I was talking to my mom earlier this week, who posited, “Hmm. And nobody hates kids more than you do.” And I didn’t think I was THAT bad about kids (but I am. Oh, yes I am). But when she started swooning, “You could be a MOM!” — oh GAG, I wanted to just die right there. They have one of those, thanks.

But …

I didn’t hate being around them.

Weird.

I am usually the first one to run SCREAMING if I even think a man has a child. This one? Has three freaking amazing, intelligent and adorable ones.

Although, yay for this delightful surprise, he was smart enough to have a beer in my hand within minutes. 🙂

He also thought I did well with the surprise (Goddess needs to pick up her voice mail once in awhile. *sigh*) and even did well around THEM as I was in my (wasted) date outfit, pulling a big dog off a little girl and otherwise being entertained by three pint-sized people who were trying to figure out just who Daddy’s new friend is.

Now, it’s too soon to say about any of this, where it’s going. And it’s way too soon to even think about seeing those kids again. But you know? I’ve had so many worse dates in my life. Really, I have.

On any other day, I would have been scared off and headed for the hills. But the part of me that’s most confused is the one that felt at home with all of it. Either I’m growing, or I’m OK where I am right now.

I think of my friends who are also dating, who are hopefully less disappointed than they seem. I thought of the one who hates that the dates are over and it’s bedtime at 9:30 p.m., and I’m assuming he’s seeing someone without wee ones at home. And there I was, leaving at about that time because I figured the kids would never go to bed, as long as I was there for them to entertain.

I still went out after that — I was too cute to go straight home. 😉 And while we’re all kidding ourselves going with the flow, I just hope that we don’t adapt so much to these others that we lose the general picture of what we set out to find.

Not to say we can’t find it where we are, but perhaps my biggest fear of all is that what makes me, well, me (foul mouth, impulsiveness, whatever else) won’t go by the wayside as I (and I’m sure others like me) try to find ways to fit ourselves into other people’s worlds.

Or maybe we’ll change their worlds somehow, too.

Or maybe the rest of us who are awake after everyone else drifts off to dream should all meet up for a drink. 🙂

I don’t mean to bite the hand that feeds — I’m grateful to the universe for bringing me someone who positively lights up when he sees me, who’s truly crushed to see me go and who seems like he’d do cartwheels when I agree to see him again. Thank you, universe — I owe you for that one.

I’m not complaining — just having fun where I’m standing and simply trying not to think too hard about anything. I’m looking forward to whatever it is I’m supposed to learn. I just hope I’ll be able to be the best person I can be throughout all of it.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 26th, 2007 at 12:42 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.