Caterwauling

Happy Umbrella

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Leave it to me to talk about penis enough to somehow invoke someone who was altogether too eager to introduce me to his.

Dude, the only thing worse than penis is OLD penis. Just saying.

I spent the day yesterday in Port St. Lucie at a friend’s house. Her neighbor came over. He was nice and really funny — has the same voice as Billy Crystal and the same sense of humor as “Harry” in “When Harry Met Sally.”

He left for a while and I decided to pack up and go around 7:30. He had called my friend and said that I should drop by to say goodbye on my way out. As they live two doors down from each other, I couldn’t “forget.” Damn.

So when I got there, the house was GLEAMING and he was all dressed up and had taken a cologne bath. For lil ol’ me, I guess.

I basically said goodbye (um, what else was there to discuss?) and he said he was going to kiss me. So, um, OK. I turned my cheek to him and he kissed it. And kissed it again. And went in for the mouth.

I pursed my lips, shook my head and said, “Don’t think so.”

How friggin’ weird was that? And creepy.

I left right away. I smelled like his cologne till I took a shower today. It wasn’t bad — it’s just that there was SO MUCH of it.

Did I mention that he has a DAUGHTER my age?!?!

*squick*

It reminded me of a recent scandal in my field where a hot young thing was sleeping with a slimy old wrinkled thing. And then I thought about Hugh Hefner and all the girls 70 years his junior who are happy to play “hide the chinchilla.” And, ew.

I am having a difficult enough time with 30-year-old cock, thanks. Any more rings around those tree trunks and I might have to gargle with bleach, ya know? Might need to add some Clorox to the ol’ Visine bottle, too. *retch*

I hate that. It isn’t even flattering to basically be pounced upon after spending an hour with someone. This isn’t the ’90s (or ’00s) and these ain’t the dance clubs I used to frequent. Shit, I was trying to figure out how to hook up my MOM with this guy. FUCK.

I need another shower now. *huz*

This entry was posted on Monday, June 13th, 2011 at 10:20 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.