Caterwauling

You know, I’ve tried to make smart decisions all my life. Yes, you can show me evidence to the contrary, but that was one lousy decision that escalated into several rotten events.

I was doodling in my journal the other day and I found myself writing, “O HAI high school.” You know, that time I try so hard not to remember except when someone from that awful era friends me on Facebook.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I have run departments for many companies throughout the years, being trusted as a key player, decision-maker and always the last set of eyes to see thousands upon thousands of words of copy before being the one to push it live. And *knock on wood* it’s all been a stressful but smooth-sailing ride.

And yet, when it comes to boys, I turn stupid. STUPID, I tell you. Stupid. I was cruising in the wayback machine the other day, remembering when I found out Jimmy Skalican had a girlfriend (circa 1986) and how my poor little heart just broke. (See: O HAI high school, although that was junior high, I think.)

BTW, Facebook tells me he’s married with kids now. Not that I’d know him to see him on the streets, but still. (My tastes have changed somewhat anyway, so there. Pfft.)

Anyway, I don’t talk about boys on this site unless it’s seeping out through the hastily spackled cracks of some other event that’s rattled me. Which clearly is now. 🙂 And man, I gotta tell ya, I may think I’m saying and doing everything “right” but gawd, even the best examples from that species are enough to drive even the girliest girl like me into a raging lesbian.

I heard it said once that the REAL reason everyone’s opposed to gay marriage is that we women can no longer say that “all the good ones are gay or taken.” (Read: All the good ones will be taken and there isn’t even the last resort of trying to “turn” one to bat for our team. Waah!)

I dunno. I guess, having always been “one of the boys,” I thought I understood them, and especially how to talk to them. And I know it takes a brick wall to fall on some of them. But I feel like I’m standing in the rubble right now and either some people are spectacular at playing dumb or maybe they just are that thick. And at what point am I going to either bop someone upside the head or just keep on walking?

I always watch Joel Osteen before I go to church, and this week’s message was on the fact that “You’re Closer than You Think.”

This one hit home for me in a lot of ways, mostly that just when you think you can’t take another minute or if you’re just about to give up, you finally catch a glimpse of your goal. I’ve been there. I’ve been at the edge and wondering which way the wind would blow. Hell, I’m there now, hanging in there and trying to remember to walk in faith and not by sight, but still aching from the bruises of walking into obstacles along the way.

Anyway, I don’t know what I’m saying today. Haven’t had enough coffee to have a point. I guess I am just still in a somewhat-altered state from losing a friend and I echo another friend’s sentiments about being especially impatient with time-wasters as a result of it.

But I am trying to keep the faith that I’m closer to, well, something than I can currently see through my mortal eyes. I thought I saw it through a little epiphany last week. But maybe my vision was clouded. It’s possible.

And these days, I’m going through so many changes, maybe it’s now a matter of the inside will evolve to keep up with the outside, too. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out I was right all along. Again, I just don’t know how someone with my IQ, experience and solid grounding of common sense can just get all giggly and silly in the mere presence of a different set of chromosomes.

And for the record, I kind of like the giggly and silly me. I’d like for her to visit more often. And one way or another, I shall make that happen. …

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 at 6:46 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.