Supra-human
When I was at the last job, I longed to be back at this one.
Now … I just want to retire.
Which, according to my target year fund on my 401(k), is 23 years from now.
Which makes me wonder … I already know I don’t have the energy I once did for this insanity. I will never work those 14-hour days with two-hour commutes again.
And I’m not real sure I can keep doing 8-10 hours anymore either. It’s too intense, man. And the only solution is to give up projects I want because the rest are quite consuming.
This makes me to examine the lives and livelihoods of my Silent Generation and Boomer-age extended family. Some will never die. Others are so tired of hurting that they would welcome it. Every damn one of them retired early or on time, either way.
Makes me wonder, does my evil ass live to 100 like the hypocritical religious ones who feel entitled to long life?
Or do I kick off by/at retirement age as a result of un-/under-treated illnesses and pain like the (other?) good ones?
Just look at the Van Zant family. Ronnie — the one with all the talent, the one who wrote songs about the environment and voted for Carter — died young. And his idiot brothers are now serenading Wrong DeathSantis in song.
(Also, fuck Johnny. Seriously. His “Brickyard Road” got me through a very frustrating time in high school. The only reason that song was a success was because it was ABOUT his brother, I see that now. Just go back to fronting a cover band, bud, and I’ll just be over here burning your cassette.)
I used to think of myself as supra-human. I felt like I could rise above any sort of genetics or other preordained fate.
There’s also beauty in not knowing half my family. My chances of mortal pain and suffering are instantly slashed.
Unfortunately, I kind of had that bubble popped when my half-sister’s mom died last year.
Not that there’s any blood relation there. But I’m guessing she must have been a good person and that the rest probably aren’t quite in that league.
Probably a good guess. Also, damn it.
In any event, I’m not going anywhere yet. (Sorry TuhNaKYiz.)
Staying alive and sane is my main goal right now. But if at some point, I can’t muster the energy to do it even out of spite, assume faulty genetics won.
Actually, don’t assume anything. I plan to outlive my superfans even if it’s only by 15 minutes.
Maybe I need to scale back on the stress sooner rather than later to do that.