The Rain Is Always Gonna Come If You’re Standin’ With Me
Went to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party on Mom’s birthday Friday night.
And guess what, it got rained out.
It was a horrible day. Sitting at the bar — Mom’s and my bar –alone last night made something absolutely snap in me.
My beaded Fitbit band that she bought me broke. Like hello sign. She would be so sad.
The workday started out typical. Fridays are scream-worthy on their best days. Then people outside my department start to dream up extra projects for us that cannot wait.
And then the stuff that IS in our control goes sideways. And those outside people say dumb shit like, “Are you going to send an alert?” Like, multiple times a day from multiple directions,
There are two possible answers for “Are you going to send an alert?”
One, no. (Because do you really want me to cause a riot and make member care’s life hell for no reason.)
Two, yes. (Because, I do not need you to tell me to get off my ass and help member care’s life from becoming hell.)
If we are all here to tell other departments how to do their jobs, I would be delighted to return the favor. I used to love my job till doing everyone else’s became a thing.
Anyway, I got all my work ready by 3:30 so I could go to Magic Kingdom for 4.
Well. I got on the tram at 4:15. Got on the Monorail at 4:30.
Got OFF the Monorail at 5:15.
Because shit started blowing up so bad that I was texting (no I am not sending an alert NOW; OK FINE I will send an alert NOW) and completely missing my stop.
TL;DR the SEC ruined the sending of two publications tonight. After ruining basically the past two weeks of my life, indirectly.
I always joke that “If I were ED” — shit, I want to tattoo that.
Well, today, I am joking, “If I were EDgar” — since it was EDGAR who crapped on my Not So Scary Halloween Parade.
WHICH … after murdering my battery on the work stuff, the event got rained out.
The parade started an hour late.
Then the Hocus Pocus spectacular literally got through two songs before the announcer said “hexing” inclement weather ruined that.
I tried to hang on for fireworks, But naturally, the rain got to me and I got on the (Express, thankfully) Monorail.
Which … the fireworks started when we pulled into the station for MK parking.
So we have ED and MK departments at work. I run ED. MK runs the world. I really hate that I can’t write MK for Magic Kingdom without getting hives.
I am not kidding about the hives. My legs are broken out after today. Though maybe that’s because Magic hides in my bed all day. I have gone through three lint rollers but that little shit has left his mark. Whilst Bella has destroyed all the other furniture.
In any event, I did not want to work today because I knew it would be a horrible day.
Full day, half day, whatever — I didn’t want to deal with anyone. Not even the people I like.
I texted my cousin, who just had her mom’s first heavenly birthday on 8/1, and I said man I am sorry I didn’t reach out more. I did not realize how fucking AWFUL it was.
She knows the characters who usually make me want to order bodybags. But today I said, my god, it’s the people I LIKE who are making me look bad.
She said they were probably always that messy but my tolerance is shot today.
Anyway, from being sad and depressed and stressed out and then the Big Thing that was supposed to happen at work on the 22nd (but, SEC) but got punted to the 31st and now to the 6th (hi, regulators!) … is being moved to Monday.
And not only did I spend a good quarter of my day on this project, but my entire staff stayed till 7:30 first to make it happen and then second to completely redo the plans as I walked around a park with dwindling phone battery and NO GODDAMNED ALCOHOL.
When I finally dragged my wet ass home, I went to the hotel bar at 11:11 … and it had closed at 11.
I texted my mom’s friend that I want to die. I am sad and I miss my mom and there has GOT to be more to this life than living in my town and dying at my computer.
She made some weird comment back that tells me she’s jealous of my life. Which she was always jealous of Mom, her whole life.
And I made some comment that I paid for most of this trip with credit card points. And she sounded envious of THAT too.
Anyway.
I really needed to whine. I mean, I know Psycho is out there so glad I’m having a bad run of luck. Probably Cindy too.
But unlike them, I will not dwell for 20 years on it all. I will figure out how to be happy again. How to be grateful again. How to LIVE again. And they will just be the losers who should have left this earth because no one will love them the way I loved my Momma and she loved me.
In the meantime, I am just so bummed that it was a miserable day for her birthday.
I expected no less, mind you. And it still beats being miserable at home.
But I just feel like I wasted her honor, not having the bandwidth to miss her more when all I wanted to do is die myself.
“Your integrity makes me seem small
You paint dreamscapes on the wall
I talk shit with my friends, it’s like I’m wasting your honor.”