‘There is no way I am kissing a frog and eating a bug on the same day’
I’ve been waiting to write this. Needed someone to sign a piece of paper who, honestly, I was afraid wouldn’t sign that paper.
The life of a hiring manager.
And firing.
I had a change that was overdue to be made. And I didn’t want to do it before the holidays.
Tried every which way to signal that there is time to SOGOTP and here is how you can do that.
Anyway I found myself in the position of kicking out the pot from under them.
When I’m talking to myself, as who else is here to listen to this shit anymore, I blame an old HR person for this situation.
HR had given me a list of about 30 questions to ask. HR was not satisfied that I knew how to hire, despite some 30 years of experience of hiring and being hired. This interviewee tolerated a two and a half hour interview of nonsense questions. So I figured, what the hell.
Well, I discovered what the hell.
Anyway, I have gotten to the point of being escorted out of so many companies that my compassion level is as fluid as my sexuality. Like, just not into you, thanks for playing.
I did hear later, though, that I wasn’t the only one who had made that sort of decision in the first quarter.
Only one separation made me sad. I heard it today. Like noooo not him, really?!
The other separations I noticed (because I went looking for them in Teams) honestly brought me a mix of joy and wonder.
The wonder was because I had no idea how they got in the door in the first place.
If I am not the hiring manager, I am the welcome wagon.
As in, new hires are sent to my door because I run the biggest cost center AND I am damn enthusiastic about it.
Like if you want the history of the company and the industry, along with who has her finger over the publish button, come to your new friend Goddess.
I’ve already forgotten most of the people I looked up. I only remembered them from their new hire interviews on my calendar.
But there was one, I want to say out of Cleveland, who annoyed the ever living fuck out of me for an hour.
I don’t even remember why I hated him. I just did. Like, I even asked him what on earth brought him here and he said a recruiter found him.
Luckily we must have fired that recruiter because the candidates in my inbox right now are superb.
Anyway, that’s really what prompted me to write today. I have spent a lot of hours talking with new people, being their new mentor, answering questions (which I volunteered to do) outside of the meet-and-greet.
To have wasted so many of those hours on people who don’t last really pisses me off.
Nobody’s fault. But I just think of this guy who was SO annoying … and honestly I thought, this one isn’t going to last here. Why are you people torturing me with this awful conversation.
And we know I can talk to a damn pet rock for an hour and be just fine.
Dude barely made it to his 60-day review. Which I could have told anyone who asked.
I probably could have said that about my hire too. There was another candidate I liked better, but the then-HR person steered me toward the one who answered the 30 questions.
I ended up hiring the other one part-time. And promoted him a few months later.
He remains one of my best hires in my career.
Other departments don’t get my hiring decisions. They don’t have to. But no one can argue that I have highly productive, highly imaginative and highly LOYAL people.
I work every day to get (and keep) the best out of them.
Of course, that’s why when I say one isn’t working out, they say, we will not stand in your way.
I could probably stand to do more of that. It’s just finding rock stars in the rock pile is harder than it looks.
It’s like dating. My god, I am happier alone and I am happier NOT hearing from the dregs of LinkedIn society. But there we are then.
Speaking of, I need to hop to kissing some potential corporate frogs STAT to keep my own job.
We all saw what happened to Tiana. She kissed a frog and became one.
Really not in a rush to do the same.