Caterwauling

Spent the weekend with a friend and her husband (actually, they spent it with me!). Yeesh. It’s amazing what women will settle for. I couldn’t stand being with the man for a day; I don’t know how she doesn’t suffocate him with a pillow. *shudder*

I mean, we were out shopping, and she saw something cute and said she’d love it as a souvenir because we went way the hell out in the boonies. He bought himself a whole bunch of shit and looked at her and said, “You don’t need that.” I was so pissed off that I bought it for her myself. Which I did expressly to show him that he’s not a man, but he didn’t care. I guess I don’t understand how people can lavish money on themselves and not be able to share with the people around them.

Reminds me so much of my idiot ex-stepfather (the one who told me I’d never succeed in life. The asshole whose elder daughter got the “teen parent of the year” award from our high school this year. Loser). I remember going on vacation with him and my mom (once — we never did anything otherwise. I don’t know how Mom kept me entertained so many years as a prisoner in her own house).

Anyway, I remember the vacation vaguely. He complained about how much money he “HAD” to spend. We went to the beach but sure as hell didn’t stay in anything remotely over-the-top. In fact, I remember my mom asking to change rooms twice because the first two rooms were filthy. I remember him, after dinner, saying he shouldn’t have spent that much. Again, not quite lavish, if memory serves.

But back at home, when the only reason Mom and I had any food in the house was because my grandparents wouldn’t let us go hungry, asshole stepfather had every toy known to man — video games, hot-rod car, more bongs than China has tea, concert tickets to the best shows (I remember being so jealous that I couldn’t go with him to see Van Halen), etc. But when Mom would ask for $50 to take me shopping for school supplies and maybe an outfit or two, he’d say no — not his problem. Oh yeah, and he didn’t want her to work.

So I guess I look at my friend, who is going down this same path, and I just don’t get this “you must be barefoot and pregnant (even if you’re working) and not spend a penny unless I say so, but I get everything I want and then some and you’ll be happy because I’m happy” mentality.

I think that’s why I not only bought my friend a souvenir, but I also picked up the dinner check. Because I guess too many years with my stepfather, with me wanting something little and cheap and him always pulling rank on me, that, “Unless you can pay for it, you can’t have it,” has really worn me down. Because I was somehow always terrified that the stepfather would leave us at the restaurant, stuck with the bill and no way to pay it. He was enough of a dick to do something like that for shits and giggles.

I hated being penniless and powerless. I hate seeing other people being treated the same way. I don’t EVER want to feel like I have to grovel for something .. that I owe them something for the slightest amount of not even generosity, but simply kindness. This could explain the generally low expectations I’ve had of people for most of my life.

Typically, when I meet my friends’ boyfriends/husbands, I am happy for them. They give me hope that I could be that happy someday, too. I watch my friends just beam when the love of their life walks into a room. I showed my mom some photos of Tom and Tiff recently, and she was like, holy shit, they look magnificent. Just dreamy and happy and like they’re on Cloud 9.

And that’s what we all need to aspire to. I mean, the friend who stayed with me, I cannot for the life of me name one redeeming quality her man has other than that he put my new shower head on because I wasn’t strong enough to yank off the old one. Knowing him, he probably wanted a cash reward for that one simple gesture, no doubt. *ceremonial applause*

Anyway, I guess when all the single people of the world are sitting around, bemoaning the lack of a regular date to events, all they need to do is look around and see that being alone isn’t the worst thing in the world. Especially when you can spend your own money and time any way you like and not get the hairy eyeball when you’re supposedly defying someone’s wishes.

And don’t think I’m not wondering whether he’ll hide or destroy my souvenir when she’s not looking.

The worst part of it all? He thinks he’s a fucking catch!

OMG, look. He’s all right. He might not be the worst human being who ever walked the earth. If it were the “last man on earth” situation, I probably would wave goodbye to the species, but I’d think about it for 30 seconds. 🙂 He tells me how good a life he’s providing and how much money he makes and all that shit, and he has to one-up everything I say I did or want, although I pretty much failed to be impressed by what he thought he bested me with.

I know that all the things I experience are brought into my life for a reason — to serve as a warning sign, no doubt. But why would someone so good settle for something so … I don’t know … underwhelming? Maybe my friend’s lesson was to look at me and go, wow, she’s pretty happy without anyone’s thumb permanently branded on top of her head — maybe she can get out from underneath it all.

Sad, isn’t it?

This entry was posted on Monday, July 2nd, 2007 at 10:08 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.