Unnecessarily hard things
I’m not certain why I have to start every post off with the song that’s in my head, but it does help to drown out the voices.
“I know this tide is always kissing my heels
Sometimes I think I’m drowning in all these things that I feel.”— Patty Griffin, “We are Water”
So, the house I wanted that was under contingency? I got an e-mail from Trulia yesterday telling me that it was back on the market. And it was listed by a new realtor.
A sign?
I reached out and said I love this place, GIVE IT TO ME.
Talked with the realtor today. The reason it came off contingency and back onto the market is because the owner only wants people with PERFECT credit.
Which, hah.
I asked if it would help that A) a friend lives next door and B) I’ve been paying an extraordinary amount of rent to live in the best ZIP Code in Florida for the past four years?
He said I should try to apply and that it would only cost me $25 to do so.
I said I’m not going to waste his time or mine.
Damn it.
It’s not the $25. (I usually get quoted at least $100.) It’s the “if you don’t have perfect credit, you are not worthy to live here” bullshit.
It’s bad enough I have to kill myself to stay employed. And that I have to move and pay for two apartments at the same time so I can fulfill my obligations here while securing the new place with first, last and security months’ deposits. You are going to give me a headache over a POINTS SYSTEM? Bitch, please.
Even the realtor said he doesn’t have to jump through these hoops with any other place. I wish I could reward him and make this happen. I just do not see the point.
I was so excited. Fuck me. Fuck me that I ever think I’m going to have a job, life, house or man that is going to be everything I ever wanted (or even half of what’s on my list).
I know the best things are worth fighting for. But at what point do things finally ever just fall into your lap so that you can save your strength for fighting to KEEP them and not, as I always do, feel so damn weak when you do finally claw your way to victory that you can’t make it last?