We (will have) built that
I don’t quite know how to sum up today other than an emotional disaster zone.
I have a PILE of work that was due at COB. Which didn’t happen. And my nerves are SHOT and I’m watching the Sandy relief concert and collapsing into a goo puddle at Jon Bon Jovi and drinking wine. And guess what? I don’t want to undo the edge that the wine has FINALLY taken off to go back to work … which CAUSED THAT EDGE.
I have friends who are going through Some Shit. The good-health fairy seems to be avoiding the East Coast for some reason. I’m burning a candle right now for one of my boys. Hoping it clears the toxins out of his mind as much as his body, but my magic probably isn’t QUITE that powerful.
Anyway, if y’all have a prayer to spare, we can use ’em down here.
In other news, I have a new job offer. It’s a total fluke and it’s got as much a chance of NOT working out as actually potentially working out. I’m afraid it will burn the bridge on which I’m standing, and I’m also afraid it will NOT be my dream job for the startup phase.
And I lived through the startup phase of a friend’s company. It was torture. And I never did get paid what I was owed. So this is a big leap of faith for me. I told my potential new boss (who is also an old boss) that I don’t have any miracles left in me — I’ve fallen flat on my face so much that I can’t afford to go splat one more time. We’re pushing 40. I have a mother to support. Don’t fuck this up if I do this with you.
I asked for the night to sleep on it. But we know my answer. I want to soar. I want to be extraordinary. If I’m going to sweat and toil and suffer, I want to build something special. To be able to say, “Why yes, I BUILT THAT.”
Rather, WE built that.
And I think we’ll build something amazing.
Because I can’t afford for it to go any other way.