‘When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I’ve ghosted stand there in the room’
Went to a new doc in a new health system today.
I expected to be underwhelmed and overly emotional.
Turned out the opposite.
Loved the doc. She started right off with, “Not to be political BUT” she explained some options I have that the current administration is going to fuck with.
I said great, let’s do it before he disbands the AMA and deports me.
She said you’re a white woman with a white sounding name. You’ll be OK. The AMA, you may be on to something there.
Oh I like her.
She liked my dress and I said, “Thanks! I got it pre-Temu tariffs.”
It was a great appointment overall.
I was alone in that room for a bit while I waited for bloodwork to get drawn.
And honest to dog, I felt like my entire family was in that room with me.
A girl will always need and want her momma. When she had a great one, anyway. And I had the best.
I tried to be in the room as much as possible for mom. But she had to go through so much alone.
I could fight for her with staff, but I couldn’t fight for her to get better.
Now it’s my turn to go through it alone.
But it didn’t FEEL that way.
While I waited, my grandmother’s birthday came up TWICE. First the month and day, then the month and year. THEN Mom’s day and year.
I felt like my cousin made an appearance too.
And my grandfather.
Honestly I wish I could draw what my mind’s eye saw.
It felt good.
I mean, it feels great to have a whole army of amazing people who came before me. The blood of every one of these warriors runs through my veins.
And it’s because of them that I’ll face whatever, if anything, comes next.
The only thing that brought me down today was hearing that Cheetolini wants to make men our conservators again. Like, I don’t even have an emergency contact, and that assclown motherfucker thinks I need a male to supervise my money? Oh hell no.
Anyway a friend of mine (female) offered to be my emergency contact.
What’s funny is she got that message from the spirit realm this morning. Before I went nuclear on Faceypages about the orange fucker’s desire to end my financial sovereignty even though there’s no one I’d give it to.
I also said this is what radicalizes me. I am not just wishing “someone do it already.” Though I absolutely wish they would.
But if he thinks I am incapable of it, oh think again fatass. Think the fuck again.
I am doing life alone just fine.
And I am willing to go out a hero of the free world so no one else has to sit in a doctor’s office and plan tests and potential treatments around when he plans to end them.