Caterwauling

My key to getting through the holidays is just to keep busy. Not that my social calendar is too full, but Goldilocks’ iCal is just right. Anything to keep my brain engaged, lest it wander too far away and decide not to come back!

Anyway, what everyone probably doesn’t know is that I was supposed to be on the road late last week, to see a long-lost friend. But I was told to be in town to launch a new product this past Thursday. I got all my work done; but guess what? Yup, nada. Was in town for absolutely nothing.

I wasn’t even unhappy. Well, a part of me was, since the phone calls just weren’t doing it for me when I was counting on an in-person visit. But I’m wondering if maybe “good things come to those who wait” is the wrong cliche to use here, when I probably SHOULD be saying, “if it takes this much effort for things to fall in place, something ain’t right.”

But giving up this little dream would probably mean re-focusing on an old one that I gave up. And I can’t have that. Not right now. It would take a lot for me to open that Pandora’s box of pain. I’m not claiming I wouldn’t; it would just take an outright miracle to get me to look over my shoulder. Or, at least, to be seen doing it. 😉

Anyway, I’m trying to orchestrate another scheme here, but if this one falls on its face, I think it’s time to give up on this particular miracle. Although, ’tis the season for them, so hopefully Santa will give someone who hasn’t had a reason to believe, well, a reason to believe. In something. Anything.

Speaking of making miracles and the absurdity of it all, I am kind of bumming because I unexpectedly got a delightful invitation for Friday night, and I want to take it. But then there’s always that moment of, yeah, right! When have you ever been out at a reasonable time on a Friday?

What’s weird is that things have been, in my opinion, slow on the job front. I only put in 45 or so hours last week. The bulk of them were not full of panic and frenzy. (Don’t get me wrong — a whole bunch were.)

And in this time of record-high layoffs (to which my industry is sadly FAR from immune), I’ve felt downright guilty, like maybe I just don’t have enough to do.

A friend wisely pointed out to me that there are very few industries — and very few people within those — who define “normal” as rapid-fire, go-go-go, gotta-achieve-97-things-right-this-minute over the course of 70-plus hours each week. So, basically, I could kick my guilt to the curb over my “dry spell” when I worked what the rest of the world views as a “standard” week.

That, my friends, was life-changing. Especially in this craptacular economy, I know my job is safe because no other sane person would do it. 🙂 But still, there’s a part of me that feels automatically compelled to look around and say, “What more can I take on?”

But while I was away in Vegas, for a mostly working trip but, all in all, it still amounted to nearly two weeks out of the office, I regained a long-lost perspective. I always wondered why we had to put in 40, 60 or 80 hours a week.

What I’ve once again come to accept as “normal,” I found myself questioning. Who cares how much time you put in, just as long as you do great work? I mean, don’t we tell our guys it isn’t the length of the wand, but the magic they work with it? 😉

Let’s face it, we like it long and hard. In all aspects of the phrase. And even if we don’t love it, we work with it. We feel good once we’re done with it. Right?!?!

So anyway, here’s to hoping that I can get out at a reasonable hour on Friday. It’s one of those situations that’s dependent on others to get me what I need, when I need it. And I just have to be grateful that I get anything and don’t have to pull any rabbits out of my ass. (Been there, done that; those Trix ain’t for kids!)

I guess what I’m afraid of is becoming like the people I’ve spent my career despising. The ones who made four times as much money while giving four times less, effort-wise. I think I view this reprieve — and, I assure you, that’s all it is, a break between crap-a-lanches — more as something to correct and less as something to enjoy for however briefly it lasts.

And hopefully, the next time I get a few moments to recollect my myriad shards of sanity (whenever THAT may be), I hope I realize to stop, enjoy it and use the extra thinking time either to grow in other ways or to *gasp* give my poor widdle brain a damn break already!

This entry was posted on Monday, December 8th, 2008 at 9:27 PM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.