Caterwauling

The muse is back. It’s a sequel to her previous visit. This one, though, is edited to protect the innocent. 🙂

Version of myself

I’ve changed so much

Since you crashed into my world

And I’d thought I was so

Articulate and thoughtful and sensitive

But I guess I wasn’t

At least, not enough

There’s something about you

That makes me want to be

A better version of myself

Not necessarily a different person

Nor someone whom you would find

Attractive or pleasant to be around

I don’t know

I guess I have watched you

For some time now

And you continually

Have this effect on me

I mean, I’ve always said

Exactly what’s on my mind

At the exact moment it occurs to me

And I’ve never really edited or censored

The slightest syllable

That has fallen from my lips

But you’re so sensitive

So observant, attentive and

So sweet

That I’d rather bleed myself dry

Than ever cause a moment of hurt

Or confusion

Or discomfort

In your life

You’ve seen enough of that already

And I still say whatever I want

But I take so much more time

More care

More pause

With my words and thoughts

Have you noticed the difference

Or have you always known

This better person resides within me

Somewhere

I’ve noticed

In dialoging with you

That I mentally stop myself

Before I say something

That could be misconstrued

And revise how I say it

(Sometimes, I revise it after

The wrong words have fallen

From my lips

And still you listen to me openly)

Because I’d rather my voice

Be something you want to hear

Again

When we’re apart

And lately

You’ve told me how you enjoy

Our time together

Our chats

Our laughter

And the feeling is mutual

But how do I say this

Without editing out too much

The sentiment behind it

How do I say that

Not only do I like

Talking so intensely as we have

But that I’ve come to depend on it

More than any breath of oxygen

I could ever inhale

That I not only adore you

But also the person I become

When we’re in touch

Sometimes I feel

We’ve gone as far as we could

And there’s always been that line

That we’ve sworn not to cross

(Although, let’s face it, it’s been blurred

For quite awhile now)

You’ve been my hero

On so many occasions

And I’d like to be the same for you

In a different environment

A deeper one

A more personal one

Maybe on the other side of that surface

That we’re so conscious of

I’m tired of being so aware

That there are certain things

We should never say

Never feel

Never dream about

But the only ones placing those restrictions

On us

Are us

So what if

I told you all of this

How much I admire you

How much I’ve come to adore you

How much better a version of myself

That I have become

With your unknowing influence

And how much better I could be

With a simple touch

To accompany the smiles

The laughter

The incredible times

We seem to have

And seem to have in store

For a long time to come

If only we let it happen

Because this version of me

Fits so well with you.

OK, I’ve made about three dozen pretzel wreaths and about four dozen balls. My back HURTS!!!

I took a break to watch “Daria” (where I heard my favorite line, in response to a psychiatrist asking her if she always talks to computers, “Only when the refrigerator is mad at me.” *snort*) and decided to get back to the Betty Crocked (you heard me right) schtick. I started two cookie recipes, only to find that I am missing unsweetened cocoa for one and honey for the other. Jimminy Christmas, what the hell? I could always do peanut butter balls, but my back will never forgive me for that.

Oh, my apartment rental place thought it would be cute to turn off the heat in our building during business hours. This, I did not have a problem with, because it was a nice day outside. But now, at 10:15 p.m., I am cold and SO IS THE AIR IN MY APARTMENT. Oh yes, the heat is NOT back on — it’s all a/c right now. And I haven’t managed to get my electric blanket and comforter cleaned, so it’ll be layers of clothing tonight. *sigh*

Unrelated, I had a scheme cooked up. One thing you need to understand about me is that I am always up to something. People always comment that I always have a look on my face that makes them think I am up to no good. They are right. 🙂 Problem is, I am motivated by my schemes, and when I call them off, it’s like a huge letdown. And I’m calling off the new one. For now, anyway, till a better one occurs to me.

The next two days at work are going to be cake, I tell you. Thank god. I’m overdue for some slacking. I just have to do some schedules for the new year, but I have them down on paper already; I just need to reformat and distribute them. Nearly everyone is out of the office, so I can actually keep my door open without fear of unwanted visitors. Woo hoo! I always have a big “Do Not Disturb — Disturbed Enough Already!” sign up, and it usually keeps out the “career visitors.” At least the office gossips had the sense to take vacation days this week instead of showing up and then taking vacation on company time! 🙂

OK, next time I set about making Kahlua balls, amaretto balls and buckeyes, will somebody PLEASE slap some sense into me and force me to buy a food processor? Sheesh. I’ve been smashing cookies and nuts in plastic bags with the back of an ice cream scoop till my arms are sore.

Well, maybe not slap sense into me, but a few swats to the bottom would suffice. 🙂

I’m experimenting with recipes today. I’ll probably have to make more come New Year’s time. And the nuts still aren’t smashed into a fine enough powder for my taste. But still, I’m playing with balls, and I haven’t done that in a LONG time!!! (I guess I’ve lost my touch!)