Caterwauling

Here’s to the first poem I’ve written in two years. My inspiration came back, and I shall entertain this muse as long as she’s willing to stay. 😉

Again

I hang up the phone

And smile for moments that turn into hours

Just for the fact that we’ve connected

It’s been so long

Since I’ve felt the slightest inspiration

To write, to rhyme, to create

Anything that will outlive

The daydreams and memories

That I never see fit to record on paper

Because the images are too precious

Too tantalizing

To wish to share

Even with a computer screen

Yet without even noticing it

You’ve inspired me

To write

To dream again

To wonder what if

And I don’t know what to do with this

Sudden desire to caputre my fascination

With the cerulean and seafoam

Shades in your eyes

The curve of your lashes

The faint smile on your lips

When you’re intrigued by my chatter

Or your incredulity at my boldness

When I start to say something

That could change this easiness between us

For a long time to come

We both have

So much to overcome

Within ourselves

For this to ever stand a chance

Of not plummeting into some flaming abyss

And I know

Even though you are so much more

Worldly than I

That I am more ready for this

Than you may ever be

Your ghosts are more recent, more vivid

Of love left unresolved

And questions unanswered

From beyond this reality

And it was this passion

That captivated you so

That drew me in and

Caused me to invite myself to stay

Just to learn

How someone could love so much

With such passion and depth

And it makes me wonder

If you could ever love again

And if I could ever be so fortunate

To feel a little bit of it

Or maybe more

If you could spare it

Or if you could allow your heart

To let someone else, someone different in

What would she have said

Were she around

To give you her blessing

Do you think

She wants you to take the love

You so generously gave to her

And to let someone else

Feel so bathed in adoration

As she once enjoyed

Could you do it again

Or would it only come from half your heart

If it could ever flow again

How I await

The right moment

To come along

For something, anything

To manifest itself

To let me know

Whether to hang in there

Or let you go

But in any event

I’m all the better for having known you

And having had the opportunity to see

That a woman can be loved

More than she ever dreamed possible

And it gives me hope that

Whether or not you are the one to give it to me

I still shouldn’t stop believing that it exists

Because clearly it did

Clearly it can

And I want nothing less

For myself

So thank you

For allowing me to dream

A little while longer

A little more boldly

A little more expectantly

Thank you for giving me

The courage to break the writer’s block

And dream out loud

Again.

For the record, I just want to say that there are some HOT guys in Rockville, Md. (of all friggin’ places). At Shawn’s company holiday party last night (where I had the pleasure of hanging with the illustrious and ever-charming Scott), I was happily drooling all over myself and my $37 cocktail dress (which retailed around $200 — woo hoo, do I know how to shop for these things!). I’m not sure if the hot boys (other than my uber-attractive buddies) actually work at his company or whether they were guests of invitees, but I will certainly play nice and hope to be invited to future events there. *bats lashes*

Was home in time to watch the “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” video debut for “All Things Just Keep Getting Better.” I’m waiting for a remix to come out so that we can hear it in all the gay clubs from now till doomsday. 🙂 I was impressed that Wayne Isham was the director — he did about a gazillion of Bon Jovi’s videos, so he has all my respect. Although he really needed to do something about those sunglasses he wore. … 😉

Well, I curled my hair for the second day in a row. People think I have a job interview or something. I actually quit curling my hair more than a year ago, due to complaints from Upper McManagement that they didn’t like the way I look. As if they have ANY room to speak, but I shall digress before becoming too catty on this wondrous Hump Day (without the hump, of course!).

I sat in oodles upon oodles of traffic on the Beltway last night. I told Shawn that he’s the only person on earth for whom I would do that — and I looked like a dog’s ass when I got to said destination. *shudder* Thanks to the lovely Linda, I was able to get into the locked ladies’ room to apply about a pound and a half of makeup and to remove my tennis shoes (for driving), as the dress was designed for a gal in heels. So when I got my heels on, well, I couldn’t fasten the tiny buckles on each ankle strap because I just got a manicure and I can’t do shit with these claws. Luckily, Shawn saved the day and fastened the buckles for me, although not before a colleague caught him bowing at my feet. *swoon* All girls should have a man at their feet, even if only for a moment. It’s heavenly to be serviced. 😉

It was most excellent that I already knew a handful of people at the soiree, so it wasn’t like I was meeting EVERYBODY for the first time. In fact, a lot of these folks shall be at Shawn’s holiday party on Friday, so it will be good to see most of them again. Note that I say most. But alcohol shall prevail, and everybody is lovely when I’ve had alcohol. In fact, I should have some right now here at work, and maybe I wouldn’t have the damn crow’s feet I’ve recently acquired from glaring at my enemies. 🙂

Actually, just to meet Shawn in Rockville and go to his company’s holiday party tonight. I cut the tags off my dress and it doesn’t quite fit as well as when I bought it on sale this summer. 🙁 Oh well. I haven’t really eaten in two days and that still doesn’t help matters.

If you’re into prayer, send me good wishes while I’m on the Beltway. I hate that fucking thoroughfare!!!

I wished my designer a happy anniversary today — we have produced a solid year’s worth of newspapers together without killing each other or anybody else. Although, granted, the temptation to knock out the lights of the people who are making us earn every single gray hair on our heads can be overpowering sometimes. 🙂

I had a funny feeling that I would put in my resignation during this issue. Seriously, I get the idea (and nobody’s convinced me otherwise) that certain people want me to fail. I’ve been given an indication that these people don’t necessarily believe all the computer problems I tell them I have (and believe me, I have more than they will ever hear about). I got chastised mightily for being up-front about slicing some editorial last month (that nobody even knew existed until, in the fair interest of disclosure, I happened to mention). I thought I would be proactive and tell them what I cut and why I decided to cut it (complete with budgetary backup). The response? That I am never ever to cut editorial without informing my supervisor first. My supervisor, of course, not having a journalism background and certainly not there during late nights locked in the castle, forcing the computer to, well, compute. Not to mention having to re-lay out the paper every time a new ad comes in — shouldn’t paid space be more important than editorial? Sheesh. Fuck me for having priorities.

I was also forbidden from editing a submission — this announcement, of course, arrived AFTER I had edited the thing. I was ordained to send it back and have the original writer chop it up, which she did, but I know that my editing was way better. However, I may not, as editor, do, OH, EDITING, but I have now been told to chase after another person to learn how to do their job. Which, of course, has something to do with the paper, but the reason I need to pick it up is because it isn’t being done by the person who was supposed to do it.

So I lost my marbles last week, noting to my supervisor, “OK. So I can’t cut editorial. I can’t cut ads. I can’t edit certain people’s submissions. But I have to go chase after (insert name) and tell them do their job so that they can teach me how to do it? Is this the TWILIGHT ZONE?!?!”

Of course, when I saw my supervisor’s frustration (partly at me; mostly at Cruise Director), I quieted down. She called off today — I wondered if it were a silent protest to the absolute inanity that went down last week.

In any event, this issue that I’m working on is important to me — I’ve been editor (in function and mostly in title) of my publication for a year, and at this time last year, I had no idea what I was in store for or how I would do it. All I really knew is that I would somehow do it. And without the political bullshit, it’s a good job. But the political bullshit (read: “other duties as assigned”) is the tough part.

But what I am proudest of is the communication I have with my staff, only one of whom works in my building (most are in other cities, states and time zones). All of the relationships came together very easily and continue to do so. We get frustrated but never really get irritated with each other — we talk and process and laugh and bitch. I would love to keep this job but work from home — anything to minimize the distractions and hoop-jumping that is expected outside of our little circle. Just goes to show that I need to run my own company, and I’m really never going to be truly happy until I do. But I know who I will call when I need help with that company, and thanks to the loyalty and respect we have cultivated, I know that they would be more than happy to help, when the time comes.

Happy anniversary, Veggie Patch Gazette. Here’s to a year of hard work under our belts!

The beloved Eat ‘n Park commercial, with the tree and the star. Now that I’ve seen it, I can finally get into the holiday spirit. It’s a lifetime tradition for me, you see — as soon as that commercial debuts for the season, it’s Christmas.

Go watch — I’ll be here with tissues when you come back.

Thanks to Tiff for sharing the link!

A few entries ago, I introduced you to the Popcorn Bandit at the Veggie Patch, who stole a tin of popcorn from the executive staff. This, my friends, became an international act of espionage, so much so that the original giver of the popcorn tin was last spotted bringing in a replacement. Jesus Christ.

Popcorn Bandit had taken a vacation day today, but because we had a potluck lunch, she drove into the office (all the way from Maryland) so she could pig out on the offerings. Ugh. I hate seeing her at potlucks — she clearly has an aversion to using, oh, UTENSILS to take the food out of the dishes. Ugh. She’s always the first person at the lunches, and she is always seen talking with her mouth full. So. Very. Gross.

She had brought in cookies as her contribution (Shan, RC, Angie and I bought pizzas — we refuse to eat any homemade crap). Well, just before the lunch ended, she covered up her cookies and took them. Our buddy Scott who was sitting with us saw this and called her out for stealing more food. She said that she baked those cookies, so he asked if we missed our opportunity to have them. She said yes but gave him one cookie and took the rest and ran out the door. Moron.

I actually won a door prize at the potluck, which was funny because I wasn’t going to go (seeing as though my appendix burst the day after the last potluck — bad, bad memories). I got a pack of those chocolate oranges that you smash on something and they break apart. Loudly, I declared, “Hey, I need a blunt object to smash these on. Oh, wait, there’s Town Crier!” Only thing was, I used her real name. 🙂

Town Crier also got a door prize. What they do is line all the winners up and have us draw numbers for whatever prize we’ll get. Shan said that, when Town Crier was called up, she said the look of pure disgust on my face was visible from her seat about 50 feet away. Heh. I don’t even try to hide it. I would’ve been more than happy to administer a door prize to Town Crier — like my foot up her ass.

I needed some humor today, although even this isn’t enough to make my workplace bearable. 😉 Enjoy!

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?

About as much as I enjoy working for a living, especially for this bunch of assholes — NO!

2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect?

I’ve spent every holiday with my family (which is down to Mom and my grandfather). I’d prefer for it to be in a tropical locale or, at the very least, I’d love it if they could do the drive to see me instead of me lugging the screaming pussies up north.

3. Do you do have any holiday traditions?

There is someone who is no longer in my life who crosses my mind every Christmas Eve, so sometime around midnight, I sit in front of my tree and feel sad and yet happy to have known that person at all.

When my grandmother was still with us (and I was still in Pittsburgh), we always went to Rhoda’s (now Kazansky’s) Deli in Squirrel Hill, where we got all the fixin’s for corned beef sandwiches, and we always picked up a pizza at Mineo’s across the street. That was a New Year’s Eve tradition, actually. And when my great-grandmother was still around, we always put shiny new quarters outside for the turn of another new year. Not sure what that was all about — I believe it was a good luck thing. I’m still waiting for that good luck to kick in. 🙂

I normally put up a tree, but with Kadi the hellcat on the loose (gaah, you should see my wrists today — I look like I am a cutter — and I forgot about it till I put on perfume — HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT BURN!!!!), that’s a no-go. When I have my tree up, I sleep in the living room so I can see the lights when I wake up my usual million times a night.

That, of course, and drinking myself into oblivion, as often as possible. 😉

4. Do you do anything to help the needy?

If, by needy, you are referring to me, then yes. I don’t plan to give gifts this year, in honor of paying my bills. I used to do a lot of volunteer work with charities, so I don’t feel too bad about focusing on me for a change.

5. What one gift would you like for yourself?

An iBook with an Airport card. A girl can dream, can’t she?